Pouring Over the Results ☙ Water Tops Our Toxin Poll 🦠 Tuesday, September 23, 2025
The promised follow up on my toxin poll, why I'm researching toxins at all and recommendations on next steps for Clearwater residents and others.
Thank you for your input on the poll regarding toxins in the environment. As I may have mentioned already, “water” was the topic that showed the most interest per the poll. This is the follow-up email I promised with information on my progress so far and what I recommend as the next step anyone could take to make their water safer to drink.
Easily bored? Skip to the “RECOMMENDATIONS” section at the end of this post if you just want the bottom line on next steps. There’s a story about WHY I’m diving into researching toxins. Read on if you’re curious…
BECOMING A CRUNCHY CONSERVATIVE
Once upon a time, on an island a stone’s throw away from Miami (the one in Florida, not the Miami in Ohio), a boy grew up listening to experts and corporations who claimed to know what was best for his health.
Then he suffered through a lifetime of marketing messages about health and supplements (an estimated 20 to 70 million adverts). After growing up through TV dinners, 10+ fad diets, a ‘Plandemic,’ a corrupt CDC and an entire Food/Medical/Drug Industry bent on addicting him to something; it was clear - the so-called experts and corporations didn’t care about health - only their agenda.
The boy, now a man, realized he had to figure out his health without the experts, and make his own choices & decisions based on factual information devoid of any bias.
The End.
Or was it?
Actually, it was The Beginning.
Having just turned 56 this year, I figured it was time to, you know…check up on a few things health-wise. I won’t admit to a mid-life crisis, but the timing is suspicious.
Through Function Health, I did over 100 blood tests. I was shocked to discover I had 5 out of range “forever chemicals” in my system. Despite a low carb, low-sugar diet of (mostly?) natural foods and avoiding Teflon pans - my body got loaded up with nasty stuff anyway. The common designation for these forever chemicals as a category is PFAS. Unless you’re chemically inclined (like chemist), know what PFAS is short for won’t be helpful - but it’s pronounced like “pee fass” and we’ll just leave it at that.
In case you’re unsure of where forever chemicals originate, here’s a handy visual guide of the most popular ways to become forever toxic:
This test results prompted me to focus on eliminating as many sources of forever chemicals from my life as possible. I purchased a fancy air filter, a shower filter, changed out toxic clothes & shoes, stopped wearing makeup… ok, so I never wore cosmetics, but who’s counting?
Want additional tips? Check out Environmental Working Group’s (EWG) free “Guide to Avoiding PFAS Chemicals.”
You know what’s MISSING in the visual above? You guessed it: water. It goes without saying that clean water is essential. I was already filtering the city water, but was my filter providing PFAS free drinking water?
Some quick research on Clearwater’s municipal water supply (is it clear? LOL) revealed our drinking water is actually pretty good, compared to many other other cities and states:
If you’d like to do a deeper dive (it is water, after all), again EWG has a great resource you can use to check out water quality for your zip code. And data about water filters.
Here’s the catch. City and county water reports can be "massaged" to look better to federal regulators. Political pressure, bureaucracy and money can all play a part. At the end of the day, the people drinking the water may not be told the full story by the people who should be protecting the community. Just ask the residents of Riviera Beach, FL or Flint, Michigan.
The good news: Out of 55 PFAS chemicals tested, only one (called PFOS) showed up in my tap water. PFOS wasn’t one of the chemicals showing up in my blood tests, so that search continues. It’s been used in products like Teflon and in fire retardants.
Here’s a screen shot of my tap water test results:
The upshot here is there’s only one way to know what’s really in our water and whether our filters truly work: test it ourselves. When we use affordable DIY and lab tests, no one can hide or spin the results.
RECOMMENDATIONS
I suggest using the Varify instant DIY test and Cyclopure lab test (click the names to access the exact test). These are affordable, reputable kits you can use right at home. Cyclopure is a very easy test, but must be sent to a lab and takes a couple of weeks to get the results.
Here’ a clear list of action steps:
Click here to let me know you want to participate as a Water Tester so I have a clear list (no pun intended).
Buy two Varify instant DIY test and Cyclopure lab tests (left-click on the company names in this sentence).
Test your unfiltered tap water AND your filtered water (if you have a filter) so you have the before and after results.
Email the results to reports@agencytools.pro. Or send by a carrier pigeon. I don’t mind.
If you only want to test your tap water for now, that’s fine! Testing just the tap water with 1 of each test is a good start.
I’ll aggregate everyone’s data and report back, so we all have a clear, crowd-sourced picture of what we’re actually drinking AND which filters do the best job. Although I can tell you right now, gravity water filters (the countertop ones) will probably fail to remove PFAS.
If you don’t live in Clearwater, you can still do the tests and I’ll include the results separate from the Clearwater group. It'll be an interesting comparison, I imagine.
The Future:
Once I have the water test data from all participants, I’ll compile the results, and see if we can find a viable and practical solution.
Let’s get the facts and fix what we can in our own backyard, without waiting for some expert or official to take action.
If you know anyone who might be interested in participating, please forward this to them ASAP. Do it now before you forget.
The next most popular topic from the poll was supplements. I’m already researching…
Regards,
Trevor Eisenman
A Fellow Crunchy Conservative*
P.S. This has been a fascinating journey on my own so far, but I would of course appreciate any interest and questions about this project. I’m not a health expert or a doctor, so I won’t be advising on anything other than how to get objective results from some kind of testing. Consider this information and/or entertainment!
* Crunchy Conservative: a term popularized by journalist Rod Dreher and usually describes conservatives who care about old-fashioned values and local tradition, but also favor organic food, homeschooling, and environmental stewardship. Source: Utne